I recently had a heart-wide-open conversation with a client who was confronting her money demons. You know the ones, the self-limiting beliefs that don’t allow you to ask boss or client for what you are worth. You might be a person who prowls the internet or office looking to see what your “competitors” are doing and then you flog yourself with the heavy whip of self-doubt, the little gnawing reminders that you’re supposed to be doing “SOMETHING”, but you are not quite clear on what it is and expect some guru out there to sell you a clue.
1) Own it. No use in resisting it, pretending it’s not there, or that it doesn’t matter as much as it really does. The sooner you acknowledge to yourself that you’re scared you are small, or that you are a fraud, or that you don’t know what you’re doing, or whatever the fear is, the sooner you can get over it.
2) Share it. The sweetest irony about the fear that you are inadequate is how committed you are sometimes to prove what a piece of crap you are. So you might go into hiding, thinking you’re the only one going through it. But guess what, almost everyone has a secret “you’re a fraud” conversation. And they are so consumed with their own fraud conversation that they don’t even notice yours. It’s only big and insurmountable to YOU And when you share it with another, not only do you create permission and space for her to release her own fear, but you will discover a safe and courageous space to release your own.
3) Choose it. Sometimes we play around with our fears, and they adorn every sabotaging pattern, every half-baked effort to “move forward, but not really”. Listen, if you’re going to be mediocre, be the BEST mediocre you possible can. Live into it. Stop lollygagging about it. You’re already afraid. You’re already not producing results. Do it deliberately and honestly so that you won’t have to be mediocre AND feel guilty or ashamed about it
4) Move with it. Sometimes your fear is a friend in disguise, offering you a kind warning in the most diplomatic way you know how to communicate with yourself. Ask it what lesson it is here to teach you. What are you being protected from? What are you being right about? If this were not the truth about you, what would you have to accept about yourself that you’ve been unwilling to step into?
5) Transcend it. Once you are finished, you are finished. Have you ever been sick and tired of being sick and tired? No matter how strong the “habit” or “pattern” you’ve been practicing for years, eventually you reach a point when you just look at yourself in the mirror, smirk at yourself and say, “Oh PUHH-LEEZE! Let’s move on!” Embrace that too. Reconnect with the vision you’ve dreamed about for your life, your business, and your relationships. Get clear on what actions and ways of being you’ll have to access in order to make it happen, and then…
You guessed it…
Get back in the game.
It is your game, after all!