I recently celebrated my 13th anniversary with my husband and it got me thinking that most people think of a marriage or any important relationship) as a contract. Under the terms of the contract, both parties have certain pre-determined obligations (conscious and subconscious). If either party violates the contract, it is no longer binding and both parties are free to pursue other options.</h1>
A few people think about relationships differently. They think of a committed relationship as a covenant. This is a sacred agreement made with yourself and/or your God, and is ‘binding’ regardless of whether or not the other person decides to keep their half of the bargain.
This distinction points to one of the most common mistakes people make in their relationships – the assumption that they are only responsible for 50% of their relationship experience. There are two problems with this assumption:
<strong>1. People rarely choose to take responsibility for what they find to be the difficult 50%. </strong>
Some of us are happy to provide for our partners and leave it to them to take care of stuff like raising a family; others of us are only too willing to nurture our partners so long as we don’t have to worry about being the sole breadwinner of the family.
<strong>2. It presumes that there is only 100% of a pie to be shared.</strong>
What would happen to your most important relationships if you decided to make them 200%ers? A 200% relationship is one where both parties choose to take 100% responsibility for the success of the relationship. (Remember, taking responsibility has nothing to do with accepting)
<strong>This Week’s Challenge: </strong>
1. Choose one of your most important relationships to play with.
2. What do you imagine the relationship would be like as a 200%er – if both of you gave your all to making it the relationship work?
3. What would taking 100% responsibility feel, sound, and look like in this relationship to you?
4. How much responsibility are you currently taking for the success of this relationship (i.e. 50%, 75%, etc.)? What would you need to do to make it 100%?
5. If you do decide to go for 100%, you may want to share this idea with your significant other. Remember, even if they don’t want to play, you can still give 100% – and isn’t 150% better than what you’ve got now?